Lucy Redux

How many false floors
must one fall though
to find the fault line
that cracks the back
of this camel?

Lucy the camel had,
two humps, Lucy the camel had
one hump, Lucy the camel had
no humps!

Lucy was a horse, of course
of course!
so obvious now
I'm not me
I'm her.
or her, or him
no humps!

Lead me to water
and hold me under
until the cobwebs are washed
then leave me to dry

Ground Floor, women's wear
and horse blankets
roomy enough for two
Lucy and Me,
no humps.

Shame

What we learned here is that love tastes bitter when it's gone
Past yourself, forget the light, things look dirty when it's on
Funny how it comes to pass that all the good slips away
and there's no one around you can remember being good to you

Shame, shouldn't try you,
couldn't step by you,
and open up more shame
shame, shame

what we lost here is something better left alone
second steps have been forgotten
will you tell me how they go?
set yourself, situate, like a fool try again,
there's no one around you can remember being good for you

shame, shouldn't try you
couldn't step by you
and open up more shame
shame, shame (2x)

We never thought we'd get so troubled
(never get this bad)
and we could never think that much
(never get this bad)
and we should never get this bad

so let the wind blow ya'
across the big floor
but there's no one around who can tell us what we're here for
but funny in a certain light how we all look the same
and there's no one in life you can remember ever stood for you

shame, shouldn't try you
couldn't step by you
and open up more shame
shame shame...

-Matchbox 20

Lost In Your Own Pretense

I'm missing my mom.
I miss my family.
I miss the solidity that their presences create in my world.
Everything is constantly changing on me.
Once I think I have my feet planted appropriately, the room tilts.
I miss the responsability being on someone else's shoulders.
How the hell did my mother manage me and my brother at the tender age of 26?
I'm 23 and I can barely get to class on time.
I miss the feeling of being sheltered from the storms of life.
I miss being ignorant of life's obstacles.
I'm so tired of hauling everything on my own.
If this is life, you can keep it, thanks.
I'd rather fashion my own version out of the scraps.
Even if it won't be perfect, it will be mine.
Mine and only mine, with my stamp on it.
'Jessica's authentic scraps of life'
Strung together with all the care she possess.
(Which is to say not much)
I wish I had the answers.
I wish I knew what to do.
Does it matter? At all?
Isn't life about doing what you want? What makes you happy?
How does it all come together?
I'm not old enough.
Or I am too old.
I miss my Mom.
I just want to be 'there' already.
I hate waiting.
And waiting...
And waiting....
-Jan 2008, Jessica Leigh
~confessions kill you over time, confess your love, leave me behind, give it up all night like a saint in the twilight hour, i don't need no one, i just want someone tonight~

Secret Song (Silly Little Thing)

is the richard gere gerbil story true?
who came 3rd in WW2?
did suti sleep with sue?
these things i think about
when i'm out, with you

what are the holes in biro's for?
which one's which in the corrs?
did Jefhurst really score?
cause frankly you're a bore
and i'm not.

and if it's leaving season you're 2nd on the list
if you won't leave me baby, i'll find someone who will
i tried love, i'm sorry
i tried love

does god ever get it wrong?
where has gary barlow gone?
why is christmas day so long?
it just goes on and on and on
...like you

and if it's leaving season you're the 2nd on the bill
if you won't leave me baby i'll find someone who will

i tried love, i'm sorry
i tried love
i tried love, and i'm sorry
i tried love

why is there ketchup on my sleeve?
do you think that adam fancied eve?
what if eve could not conceive?
and he had to breed with steve
we'd all be gay!
-Robbie Williams

Time On You

Come on down, bring along your radio
grey skies they clear up
everywhere that we go
i'm gonna stomp all over, your rainy day blues
and make up excuses for everything that we don't wanna do
and i, i stopped wasting my time on you
i stopped wasting my time

so move on over, like a bird you go so south
go on over, bulldog your face makes me mad
i say, out with the old shit, i'm gonna get it on with something brand new
and live life on my own terms, and make sure that my words get through

and i stopped wasting my time on you
i stopped wasting my time

and it gets so hard sometimes, to keep my head above the clouds
but we got rock and roll on in the house tonight
and i, i want to shout it out loud

so come on down, bring along your radio
grey skies they clear up
everywhere that we go
i'm gonna stomp all over your rainy day blues
make up excuses for everything that we don't wanna do
and i stopped wasting my time on you
i stopped wasting my time on you
i stopped wasting
i stopped wasting
i stopped wasting my time

-Shawn Tavenier and Silver Creek

I love this song. I love the whole cd. The lyrics are awesome, the music is kick-ass...Thank you Shawn Tavenier and Silver Creek for putting this project together. My ears will be forever grateful.

For You

I have set aside everything i love, i have saved everything else for you
I cannot decide what this doubt's made of, though i've gone over it through and through
in a book, in a box, high up on a shelf, in a locked and guarded vault
are the things I keep only for myself, it's your fate but it's not your fault

and for every useless reason i know, there's a reason not to care
if i hide myself wherever i go, am i ever really there?

there is nowhere else i would rather be, but i can't just be right here
an enigma wrapped in a mystery, or a fool consumed by fear?

and for every useless reason i know, there's a reason not to care
if i hide myself wherever i go, am i ever really there?

i will give you all i could ever give, tho it's less than you will need
could you just forget if you can't forgive all the things i could not concede?

and for every useless reason i know, there's a reason not to care
if i hide myself wherever i go, am i ever really there?

-Barenaked Ladies
~they say that jesus and mental health are just for those that can help themselves, well what good is that when you live in hell on earth?, the very fear that makes you wanna die, is just the same as what keeps you alive, it's way more trouble than some suicide is worth.~
~i said we're only trying to get us some peace, christ you know it ain't easy, you know how hard it can be, the way things are going, they're going to crucify me~

Hysterics

i can feel it sitting in my chest.
the bubbles are tickling the back of my throat.
laughter is making it's way up my esophagus.
funny, funny, funny.
life is funny, man.
people you once thought you understood are turning.
blooming into something else entirely.
the shapes become grotesque parodies of what could have been.
mouths turn sideways in their slanted heads.
furtive.
you're all so furtive.
whispering to keep me from hearing but i know.
betrayal never stays quiet for long.
disgust blankets my senses
it's sad when you prefer a cokehead who is highly unstable
over
someone who just wants an equal and true friendship.
it's sad
and it says a lot about everyone involved.
apparently as you've all changed
so has your definition of 'friendship'
until everything is unrecognizable.
i don't want anything to do with people who want anything to do with that mess
it sickens me.
you've all grown but matured so little.
you make me feel crazy
(or is that just me?)
and so undesireable
in any given shape or form
well i'm done
i refuse to shield you from my sentiments
grow up or grow away
you're losing me
while i'm trying to lose you
i don't need neglect
or your forgetful excuses
you can keep them
and use them on each other
over and over and over
again
outraged, I'm outraged
something needs to change
i'm working on me
none of you are working on anything
(or so it seems)
the disparity grows
and the distance elongates
shape-shifting like you
but different
I remain mutable to the outside world
while inside i solidify
i will do what might make me happy
there's no tears in trying
all the invitations have been revoked
i would rather be alone
than in the midst of the betrayers
smiling vacant smiles that go nowhere before they die.
but not me
i will follow my own drummer
and leave you all tone deaf, behind.

fuck was i...

love grows in me like a tumor
parasite bent on devouring its host
i'm developing my sense of humor
til i can laugh at my heart between your teeth
till i can laugh at my face beneath your feet
skillet on the stove
it's such a temptation
maybe i'll be the lucky one that doesn't get burned

what the fuck was i thinking?

love plows through me like a dozer
i've got more give than a bale of hay
and there's always a big mess left over
with the what did you do? and what did you say?
what did you do? and what did you say?
skillet on the stove
it's such a temptation
maybe i'll be the special one that doesn't get burned
what the fuck was i thinking?
what the fuck was i thinking?
what the fuck was i thinking?
what the fuck was i thinking?

love tears me up like a demon
opens the wounds and then fills them with lead
and i'm having some trouble just breathing
if we weren't such good friends i'd think that i'd hate you
if we weren't such good friends i'd wish you were dead
skillet on the stove
it's such a temptation
maybe i'll be the lucky one that doesn't get burned
what the fuck was i thinking?
what the fuck was i thinking?
what the fuck was i thinking?
what the fuck was i thinking?

i'm this awkward and uncomfortable thing, and i'm running out of places to hide in, i'm running out of places to hide in....

-Jenny Owens Young